Lonely Late Nights

It’s 2am, and the world around you is fast asleep; blissfully unaware that you’re awake.

In the darkness of the night, you’re holding your child; nursing them. You feed them, you burp them and you change their nappy.

Your partner is snoring slightly next to you. You look down at your child and it feels like it’s just you and them awake while everyone sleeps. That’s what it’s like.

I don’t get an offer of help throughout the night. Whether I’m woken up every hour, or every few hours. I’m alone for every nappy change, every feed, every burp and everything else in between. It gets to 6am. The baby stirs for a feed, do I ask for help? I’m that tired…so I do.

What do I do when I get shot down and don’t get any help? I just have to soldier on. I feel like a zombie but I do what I have to.

Nappy, feed, burp, nurse…a constant repeat.

I love being a mother, and I do have a great support system around me. But it feels like the night times are a “mothers” job. Dad gets to sleep through the night soundly and wake when he is ready, while I get either a full nights rest when the baby sleeps wonderfully or broken hourly sleep.

I am tired. So very tired.

But this little human needs me, and I need him. As he is the only thing that is keeping me sane.

-Ash

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