The Road So Far

It hasn’t been an easy journey to get where I am today. A year ago, I was going through emotional turmoil. I began writing through my experiences and emotions; it was my own form of therapy. I never went into full detail of the situation, but I can speak about it now without hurting.

In my earlier posts, I was in a very dark place. To put it into perspective, I was in the middle of a DVO (Domestic Violence Order) battle. I was suffering with extreme depression and anxiety through this process and I began to use my blog as a form of therapy to help get my emotions out. The process wasn’t easy but there was a happy conclusion in the end.

I was in a toxic relationship. It took me quite some time to realize it. I tried to leave, and after a while I began to move on. The issue with a toxic relationship is that it feels like its nearly impossible to cut ties. I was heavily invested because it wasn’t just a “boyfriend”, it was my best friend. It was a ‘one step forward, 10 steps back‘ sort of thing. When it came to leaving the relationship, I had my foot in the door and was ready to move on. I had met someone else and was feeling so much better but it was like I was concreted down and couldn’t move. I didn’t want to cut them out completely, because I knew how much it was breaking their heart.

Each time I inched forward, there’d be a lot of backlash. I didn’t want to hurt him at all, but I was trying to improve things for myself rather than stand in the same spot for the rest of my life. He lashed out a lot, and admittedly I did as well. And after a lot of back and forth, I realized there was going to be no improvement in the situation and the anger, hurt and heartbreak was increasing. I decided to file the DVO. Long story short; I was granted a DVO for a year, which will be coming to an end in the next couple months. It was HARD. But I got through each day and one day it started to hurt less, and here I am now. I am okay.

And I know he’s okay too. I’ve heard he’s been with his girlfriend for a while now and he’s doing well. And that’s all I’ve ever wanted. I wanted us both to be happy; and we were happier apart.

Everything happens for a reason. I learnt from my mistakes and I’m a stronger person for it.

-Ashley

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